Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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