i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
