I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
