Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
