Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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