The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I need water and some morals
Your penis caused this!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
