my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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