I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
