My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
