can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
