I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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