FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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