if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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