Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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