do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
