I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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