This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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