And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
MIDGETS
????
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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