just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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