i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Randomize
