I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You're like the curious george of whores
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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