i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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