I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
