I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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