We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
