just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize