Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You pole danced in your parka.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
