Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
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Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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