Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
