Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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