I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
