one two three fourrrrnication!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
