How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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