On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
