in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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