"it" just moved
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
