just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
