i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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