Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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