four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
