I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
