Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
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I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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