The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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