Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize