I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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