Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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