Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
