Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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