It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
