It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
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Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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