ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
