I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
