I'm lost and stupid without you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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