Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm too high and old for this...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
