My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
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Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
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I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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