I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
