i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
