My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
