In America we eat man semen.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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