My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
