wakey wakey hands off snakey
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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