She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize