Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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