I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
